Chuck Norris

From Uwphitau

Some of my favorite Chuck Norris facts:

1) Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.

2) The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

3) When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.

4) Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

5) Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.

6) If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

7) Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

8) Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse ... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

9) When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

10) When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.

11) When Chuck Norris talks, everyone listens. And dies.

12) Chuck Norris hays the greatest poker-face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get Out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

13) Chuck Norris doesn't sleep. He waits.

14) Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

15) According to Einstein's threory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually round house kick you yesterday.

16) Chuck Norris doesn't use pickup lines. He simply says "Now."

17) A recent poll discovered 93% of women think about Chuck Norris during sex. A similar poll discovered Chuck Norris thinks about Chuck Norris 100% of the time during sex.

18) Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always.

19) Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

20) There are two kinds of people in the world: People who are Chuck Norris, and people who are going to die.

For more, check out www.chucknorrisfacts.com