Arse Nailers

From Uwphitau

Pronounced "Arz-null", with a thick Cockney accent.

The Spring 2005 soccer team of Phi Kappa Tau. Although they came into the season highly ranked as a favorite to go all the way, they suffered a tough defeat in week five to a team nobody had heard of before. Notable additions during the off-season were Jason Boyett and Erik Luthy. Although, the team was severely disheartened to see some stars be lost because of contract negotiations.

Among those were Iain Denham and Michael "Kiwi" Brooks, an international soccer superstar from New Zealand. Brooks was known for his modesty, especially when being quoted as saying "I've never played soccer before". Kiwi led the league in goals/games played during the 2004 season, averaging one a game.

Jason Boyett was one of the star recruits for the soccer team and was also notorious for his on-field antics. Jason averaged 1.7 fights per game with a perfect win percentage in his rookie year for the Arse Nailers. Jason scored three goals on the season, all in the presence of his girlfriend. The Arse Nailers agreed- Jason's performance increased exponentially when she came to watch him play. Unfortunately, Jason was scouted by the Everton soccer club in England and will spend the Spring of 2006 playing under the brilliant direction of David Moyes.

Another unfortunate loss for the 2006 season was Jeff Hodgson, former captain of the Arse Nailers the previous two years. He is interested in trying his luck at European soccer as he packs up his boots and travels to Vienna to pursue his endeavors with Rapid Vienna, a notable soccer club and arguably the best team in Austria. He has been the goal leader in past years under the Arse Nailers and is ready for a new challenge.